Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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