I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
