I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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