I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
