your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
