Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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