he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
