HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
