I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
