Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
