i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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