well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
