now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
