Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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