i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
