Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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