he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
3pm strippers are depressing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
