Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So much rum. So many feels.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
