i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
