So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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