uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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