You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
