My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
