You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
