I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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