I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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