some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
