Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
