I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
