My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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