I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
