i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
