Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
