new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
