just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
