they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
