She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
