I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
