Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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