dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
