There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
