That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
