I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
