its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
