I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
