Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
