he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
