He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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