Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
