do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
